OH SALAD, YOU SO CRAZY!

Disclaimer: This page is not about women laughing because someone tossed their salad.
This page is about dirty pictures and the art of explaining their content. Expect some cussin'.
Expect bad words. Adult words. Kids: Fuck off!

A selection of the best image file descriptions on the BBS

thumb    AF004534.JPG - 28kb
Don't mess with *this* squirrel! You call him "Sir"!
thumb    BATSUIT.JPG - 23kb
George Clooney models the latest in leather 'n latex Chiropteran fashion.
thumb    IMG0001.JPG - 18kb
No wonder the cargo bay is empty, everything's fallen out because the shuttle flew upside down :)
thumb    13.JPG - 18kb
Elisabeth Shue dare not bend over, else she'll fall right out of her dress.
Liz, you dropped a quarter!
thumb    A14.JPG - 99kb
Wild things: Denise Richards sits in front of a weird background, completely zonked out, sexy as hell and fuckable as anything!
thumb    A141.JPG - 39kb
Cute butt. Looks English. Still cute.
thumb    A28.JPG - 100kb
Spread that body over my Mustang, Sally, I'm gonna ride you right there!
thumb    AA-18419.JPG - 81kb
Blonde cheerleader lies on her back, legs wide open... "Go team, go!"
thumb    AEO1021.JPG - 63kb
Oh? It would appear that someone got his significant other at a bad spot, snoring away happily.
Is this an entrant in the "Miss Rude Awakening" Competition?
thumb    AERIAL06.JPG - 85kb
Nice, very nice... if she's just the aerial, I can't wait to see what's on TV!
thumb    ALEXAN_1.JPG - 56kb
You know what makes this picture so good? It's not the babe (and believe me, she's very cute), it's not her boobs (which are just right), it's not her twat (which is hot and ready), and nor is it the fact that she's a redhead or sitting wet by the pool, it's... it's... well, it's... argh, fuck it, she's bloody cute, alright?!
thumb    ALM022.JPG - 44kb
Strange little blonde standing naked in front of the fireplace... I assume her name is Alicia. For the same reason I could also assume her name is Buster Keaton, but that wouldn't make an awful lot of sense, now would it?
thumb    AM013.JPG - 42kb
Aha, ah yes... this blonde is ready to bend over in front of us. My kinda secretary!
thumb    AMY1002.JPG - 74kb
If it weren't for Amy's nice and big boobs, I'd kick her in that stupid face of hers!
thumb    ANITA_03.JPG - 53kb
Anita's pink plastic sandals suntanning.
thumb    ANN000.JPG - 71kb
Young Ann sits on a blanket in the desert like a lost fart and flashes her beaver.
thumb    ARCHIVE1.JPG - 23kb
Print this out and slap it in a picture frame. Then take it to work and put it on your desk.
Observe the reactions...
thumb    ASHLEY43.JPG - 76kb
Ashley Hayden nude. NOT!
thumb    ASSAMAT2.JPG - 19kb
Pretty girl with glasses shows her behind... even though it may appear to be my bed and my window, I carry no knowledge of having ever taken this photo.
thumb    AUBURN2.JPG - 16kb
"Have me on a free CD-ROM now!"
Well, a CD is a bit small but, I guess, we can give it a try...
thumb    BABE007.JPG - 67kb
Whoah! Ice will not last long on her body - my fuck, this babe is HOT!
thumb    BARBA.JPG - 16kb
Barba, where's the "ra"? She's the best lay in the land, ra-ra!
thumb    BARBIE~.JPG - 64kb
I'm so ugly, but that's ok, 'cos so are you!
thumb    BECKY02.JPG - 21kb
Nevermind the magazines, bring the nurse!
thumb    BETH_05.JPG - 125kb
Beth uses her panties to keep her ankles warm, and she's not even a blonde!
thumb    BLACK011.JPG - 55kb
This is Patricia Ford. In order to escape a mundane trailer-park existence, she takes her clothes off and waits for someone to come and rescue her. I'm on my way, baby!
thumb    BLKG005.JPG - 62kb
Dang, it's my goddess again! Hold on while I go to the toilet for a few minutes...
thumb    BLOND053.JPG - 64kb
Statuesque-looking blonde leans topless over a Rolls Royce...
[okay, so my chauffeur's a model in her spare time!]
thumb    BRENDA1O.JPG - 96kb
Brenda hasn't quite the face to launch any ships, but a pose that'll make me wanna fire my torpedo right into her hull!
thumb    BROWN023.JPG - 69kb
These boots are made for walking away while lifting up her dress to show a lovely bum!
thumb    BUNNY048.JPG - 46kb
Christine Hill: No relation to Damon, she's a topless fuck-bunny el supremo!
thumb    BUNNY178.JPG - 47kb
Milky Lane have recovered from near financial ruin after hiring nubile young blonde waitresses whose only uniform is a little hat, collars and shoes.
thumb    BUNS-1~1.JPG - 24kb
Wouldn't mind sticking my hot dog between those buns!
thumb    CGIRL1_I.JPG - 54kb
She has sea shells for a bra on the sea shore!
thumb    COURTNE1.JPG - 177kb
Hold on a moment, hold on a moment while I quickly place this one into my private collection as well... gorgeous nude blonde on a balcony. Work with that, okay?
thumb    DD_B187.JPG - 55kb
Phew! What a view of the mountains and the valley between them... and look! There's the sea too,
I can smell the fish!
thumb    DONFLASH.JPG - 28kb
See? Now we're talking! This is a decent amateur picture... the wife flashing her body actually has a body and a face worth flashing. Lady, what are your views on adultery?
thumb    DPG_1343.JPG - 29kb
Tony the Tiger says, "They're GRRREAT nipples!!"
thumb    DPG_167.JPG - 52kb
Lean, sweaty and damn sexy... I don't care what you think, I'm the SysOp and I say so!
thumb    ELONA1.JPG - 67kb
Some topless bitch, and it looks like she's standing on a dinosaur turd.
thumb    ENBO12.JPG - 26kb
Housewife shows us her butt. I bet she's actually saying, "You want ME to do the dishes? Here, kiss my arse!"
thumb    EROTRIO.JPG - 43kb
Smut in the attic: Three erotic pictures of a woman, probably around the turn of the century... see? Pornography isn't the evil invention of a modern society without morals!
thumb    F18.JPG - 20kb
Young brunette babe shows us her butt, which poses the snooker question: Should I sink the pink or the brown?
thumb    FF-22.JPG - 63kb
Farrah Fawcett on the cover of Playboy: Still looking good, considering the Six Million Dollar Man got to pork her on a regular basis!
thumb    FLOUI.JPG - 48kb
We're supposed to be fascinated by her feet, but seeing as she's wearing sandals we'd much rather concentrate on her shapely legs and the large cleavage she's blessed with.
thumb    FREE7.JPG - 43kb
Babe appears to check whether she's stepped into dog shit or something, but I somehow doubt that this was the purpose of her pose with the motorbike...
thumb    GFHFFHG.JPG - 105kb
Yep, the filename pretty much describes in an onomatopoeic fashion what we said when we saw this nice girl!
thumb    GW_A13.JPG - 7kb
For 7k worth of .JPG I'm not going to come up with a long description or invent some exciting story about this picture or the people in it, I'll just be brief and to the point: Naked Asian girl.
thumb    HOSH0127.JPG - 134kb
Inbetween taking part in competitions and beating the crap out of towtruck drivers, she does some modelling too...
thumb    IMG0046).JPG - 62kb
She's English, I can tell by the type of wall socket, but her own socket is universal!
thumb    JSET2.JPG - 25kb
The bride brags about what the groom's getting for dinner tonight!
thumb    KAREN.JPG - 15kb
Alex: Something I found on the Net.
Herby: You should've left it there!
[Topless babe behind some computers]
thumb    KATEM218.JPG - 15kb
Kate Moss, modelling some ridiculous outfit that requires the wearer to have stiff nipples... That's fashion!
thumb    LESLIE08.JPG - 23kb
SuperBabe Leslie Glass gives us the finger. The way she's sitting, the best response would be "Darling, I think you know exactly where to put that!"
thumb    MCE_119.JPG - 163kb
This girl is almost hot 'n ready for some fun in front of the fireplace, but I'll wait for this spook to get a bit more colour first!
thumb    MG20099.JPG - 151kb
Something for the mechanically inclined amongst us: What are we looking at here; the nekkid blonde, or the engine behind her?
thumb    MON76.JPG - 80kb
Those tits ain't real, and she's either a stripper or a whore. Furthermore, she's in a motel room, naked, and her legs spread wide. So, what's the problem?
thumb    NIKKI41.JPG - 70kb
Nikki lies on her bed and shows her butt, and what hangs underneath it...
(No Beavis, it's not a turd!)
thumb    NLR_0089.JPG - 23kb
She also out-stares cats for fun.
thumb    PGN194.JPG - 43kb
Excellent advert for Dutch pussy! This picture should be included in travel brochures.
thumb    PGN318.JPG - 45kb
Sexy redhead cavorting around half-naked in the English countryside with a black lamb wearing red rubber boots? This makes sense.
thumb    PGN369.JPG - 47kb
The Anti-Seal-Clubbing lobby should approve of this picture: Sexy blonde does not wear fur. Instead, she remains naked and merely lies on it.
thumb    PGN402.JPG - 30kb
Australians wear hats with those corks dangling from the brim to keep the flies away from their faces. This blonde babe wears something similar around her waist.
thumb    RENE25.JPG - 12kb
The time now is 2:02:04 PM. That's my wife sitting in the chair. Ain't she pretty?
Honey, you mind flashing a tit for the folks back home?
thumb    RIAPPR01.JPG - 214kb
Alicia Rickter, Miss October 1995... and she likes to play with computers too?
Oh baby, my joystick is yours!
thumb    ST18.JPG - 31kb
Like on The Lair: Blonde woman lying on her back. Her breasts are exposed and her pubic area is also visible.
thumb    STELLA3.JPG - 28kb
Stella looks as if someone dragged the hairy gunk that usually clogs the shower drain through an oil spill and slapped it on her head!
thumb    T039.JPG - 41kb
This girl clearly demonstrates how one should dress when connecting to the HMVH Corporation BBS.
thumb    TAHNEEW1.JPG - 90kb
Tawnee Welch's current pose and state of (un)dress leaves us with no choice other than to develop a terrible boner...
thumb    TAMA_09.JPG - 62kb
A-ha! Now that she's done her toe nails, she's just checking to make sure they're drying... she evidently also enjoys watching grass grow.
thumb    TAMMI18.JPG - 55kb
Even though he's just a poster on the wall, Elvis also likes what he sees!
thumb    TJEJ1_2.JPG - 49kb
Either she's just crouching or is about to have a piss by the roadside...
thumb    TT1067.JPG - 28kb
Now listen here, lady: It's acceptable for a man to do this because we have nuts that sometimes need adjusting, but a woman...!
thumb    0120SEC.JPG - 63kb
... and so the secretary said to me, she said, Mr. Hönigsperger, why don't you please take a seat until Mr. Wilson is finished with the meeting. Then, like, she started stripping and, she said, you know, we've got no magazines and stuff, so, well, she'll just entertain me otherwise, so I just sat there and stared with my jaw wide open.
thumb    112.JPG - 108kb
Oriental babe daydreams that the SysOp of HMVH is about to pound into her... Yeah!
thumb    ALS-A823.JPG - 91kb
Definitely no little mermaid, this Ariel has legs all the way up to heaven - and here she proves its existence as well!
thumb    JANA444.JPG - 81kb
What's to be said about Jana? Oh, the stuff wet dreams are made of...
thumb    BASS041.JPG - 31kb
When this picture was taken several years back, Kim Basinger would never have imagined that she'd walk away with an Academy Award, despite those long legs.
thumb    CS2.JPG - 60kb
Nothing but a knitted fishnet whatchamacallit, yet you can't see her thingies! Schwing!
thumb    DM-32.JPG - 23kb
Young Demetria Guynes first tried her luck at burglary. Here she is, trying to enter a flat through a window. Problem is, once inside she was often mistaken for a surprise gift by the resident of the building because of the clothes she wore during her break-ins. So, instead of changing her wardrobe she chose to pursue an acting career under the name of Demi Moore.
thumb    TRISHF4.JPG - 51kb
This is a freaked out picture: B/W, yes, Trish's hair is cropped short, looking like a wet rat. She wears nothing but a pair of jeans, her arms are folded across her chest, and she tries to outstare the camera with a look that's a cross between innocence, tiredness, lustfulness and a babelaas!
thumb    CHIZEV3.JPG - 150kb
Muscle & Fitness: Training with the champ.
Not a fuck would I wanna get between _her_ legs!
thumb    S_UPSK20.JPG - 57kb
Number 20 in the series "Why I spend a suspicious amount of time riding the escalators at Northgate".
thumb    SS_10.JPG - 52kb
What little Johnny saw when he went to retrieve the spoon he dropped under the table...
thumb    SALMAH_2.JPG - 52kb
If you squint just right with your third eye and when Ganimede is in Aquarius over Venus with the rings of Saturn in Easter and the jumping cows come home for a beer in their Studebaker, you might be able to make out what the artist intended to show: Topless Salma Hayek.
thumb    GW_CARL.JPG - 30kb
Carl ponders the great question: "Where the fuck did I leave my clothes?"
thumb    GOG7.JPG - 33kb
Three hot blondes on the beach. The SysOp's nowhere to be found, so now they've got to entertain themselves.
thumb    STARE!_1.JPG - 19kb
When this picture was taken by the recipient of the current oral delight, the supplier of said pleasure was not at all bemused.
thumb    MC-H343.JPG - 55kb
Once this guy dives in she won't know where his face ends and her beaver starts...
thumb    TENT004.JPG - 77kb
She tried to sit down in the Jeep but, alas, his face got in the way!
thumb    TXP_0001.JPG - 51kb
I can eat clearly now, the hair is gone!
thumb    RIKKI45.JPG - 157kb
I'll give 'em points for innovation and successful execution of an interesting position... but is it comfortable?
thumb    VOLCANO1.JPG - 116kb
Volcano? Let's pretend for a moment that this is Linda Hamilton shrieking while she rides Pierce Brosnan's chop near Dante's Peak: Who's gonna erupt first?
thumb    DOGIE4.JPG - 20kb
This is service: Instead of coffee or other crap, the receptionist keeps both visitors busy until the boss is able to see them.
thumb    1CORE.JPG - 9kb
I think she's lost something... wait, she's about to pull out a cactus or a spare tyre or the kitchen sink!
thumb    9703160.JPG - 156kb
Here we have one of two possible scenarios:
1. She's playing with herself and doesn't want to be disturbed, so she took the phone off the hook.
2. This is a phone sex line, and the guy on the other side is in for a really good treat!
thumb    J_LUVV06.JPG - 118kb
Let's try following this sequence of events: Finger-finger-yes-good-no-not so good! A quick shave. Oh-good-yes-great-finger fuck-I love this-oh shit this is good-let me lie back and stick my very colourful stockings up in the air-yes-lovely-oh-ohhhhh!
thumb    WHIPPER.JPG - 26kb
Whip me, hurt me, slap me, you kinky animal, just don't make me read my mail online!
thumb    KJ52N.JPG - 24kb
Fame in four easy steps:
1. Put gun under chin
2. Pull trigger
3. Wait for coroner or mortician or detectives to take pictures
4. Photo appears on the HMVH Corporation BBS.
See? Famous forever! 
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